ivy-subscribers is an Internet list for the use of those who subscribe tp the
magazine International Viewpoints (IVy  see Home page mentioned at the end).

Someone wrote to the list asking for help with regard to an expected child,
the following was one of the results.


Date: Fri, 10 May 2002 21:39:44 -0700
From: Edward Berwick
Subject: IVySubs: Parenting
To: ivy-subscribers@lightlink.com
Sender: owner-ivy-subscribers@lightlink.com

**   ivy-subscribers relaying   **

Live your life in such a way that you won't mind when an identity of yours is
Have you ever noticed how quickly kids copy others? We know of a family that
on the outside appears to be a normal hard working respectful group. But just
listen to their parents make excuses

Run good control (start, change, stop)

Read to them from day one. Fun stories. Enjoy what you read, so that they, in
turn, will enjoy what they read.

Be honest. If, for instance, you did dope, don't lie about it.

Don't create their personality and future for them. By this I mean, "You're
going to college and become a doctor, like me"

Have animals that you love around.

Have trees and flowers.

A trampoline is great to have in the yard (if it can be supervised).

Take your kids with you to work, to play, to do the laundry, the dishes, to
weed the garden, to surf the net, when you travel.

Realize that there is often someone looking over your shoulder who could, if
they had kids, do a better job than you. When they have kids, they will wonder
where you ever got the energy and patience.

Find out their interests and desires and help them explore/get them. Don't do
it for them.

Don't look at the child as the body; see the god in disguise. Don't
artificially limit them by or because of their body's age.

If they hate their school, help them, find a school that better tailors itself
to your child's needs.

Be willing for anything that you say in front of your children to be repeated
to the neighbors.

Take your kids traveling, skiing, ice skating, roller blading, jogging, square
dancing, hiking, rock climbing, golfing, playing tennis, to musical theatre,
to movies---anything that you can do WITH them. They may not pick up a tennis
racquet and become the new Jimmy Conners, but they will have skills that they
can use in social interaction throughout their lifetime.
Kids are open to learning. The more skills they can acquire when they are
young, the more activities they can share in with others after they’ve left
the nest.

Don't let others run their trips on your kids.
There are people out there who can’t live without being domineering,
meddlesome, crotchety, or “Pollyanna”ish. Whatever attitudes or positions a
teacher or neighbor is stuck in or with doesn’t need to be foisted off on your
kids as the “one truth”

Admit it, when you are wrong.

Granting beingness does not mean allowing your kids to run roughshod over the

Ballet, boxing, judo, karate, dance lessons pay off in many more ways than
just the skill.

Expect the best they can do. Richly acknowledge goodwill, good deeds,
generosity, kindness, ability.

What you reward, you get.

Be willing for them to push the envelope.

Never call anyone stupid.

Always work with them, never against them.

Have foreign exchange students come live with you. Send your child to live
with some family in Timbuktu or France. Let international friendships develop.

Allow them to make mistakes.

Allow them to fail.

Allow them to succeed and win.

Accept what is.

Don't brag too much about them.

Don't run them down to others.

Help them to achieve their little dreams, as well as their big.

Help them to align their priorities.

Teach the boys to wipe the pee off the toilet, and to replace the seat.
There is nothing so gross as a grown man who leaves the toilet with pee on the
floor or on the toilet with the seat up. It is an UNCONSCIOUS act. It was
ingrained as a robotic action during childhood. Imagine a hypnotic command
“Make a fool of yourself!” If you allow your little boy to repeat this
procedure, you are creating an adult who will surely demonstrate an aptitude
for uncouth behavior.

Be willing for your child to stand up to a person of authority (teacher,
politician, etc.) and disagree with said person.

Give them as much attention that you can. They grow up all too soon.

Allow your child to hear and follow the beat of a different drummer.
John Lennon’s Aunt Jessie used tell him “You’ll never make a living with the

Don't give your kids scary psychic pictures that they may end up dramatizing.
"Be careful, you'll fall!"

My mother used to come outside when I was up a tree, and yell, “You’re going
to fall and kill yourself.”
At which point, I would grab the trunk of the tree, and scream back, “You’re
scaring me go away!” I would hold onto the tree until she went away, and then
I’d resume my tree climbing.

Home Page: http://www.ivymag.org/ - with extensive links to FZ!